Old bo peep has lost her sheep again.

[atlex]

I'm dealing with several issues now on the old parent front. 78YO Single Woman. Lives on her own about 20 minutes from us.

A) Keeps getting her bag/valuables/stuff stolen or lost - and then comes asking me to help. While blaming us. 'Did you come over and take my umbrella?'

Bag with cards lost - 3rd time in 3 years. at least.

My suspicion is that she's basically being targeted by a thief who knows her weekly routine. Where she likes to shop/get cash/etc.

Replacing the cards and other crap takes ages. Phone calls. Boring. Tedious. I do it because she certainly isn't capable.

And then to rub the prarrie canoe in my face her bag / wallet turns up (without cash) at a local police station and all the cards are still there but now won't work because I had them cancelled.

B) Losing her memory - Can't recall where she was.

C) Creative memories - 'The only place I've been between seeing you four days ago and now is Cafe X ' .. Contact her friends who went to Cafe X with her, nope, that was the week before.

Typically she does just fine but with increasing regularity falls apart once or twice a year...

How I'm thinking of dealing this all this...

A)

I'm not really sure what to do other than find some way to let her have less to lose. That means basically telling her 'let us look after everything valuable you own, and we'll give you cash whenever you need it'

Her pride won't like that though.

I don't think she'll learn to be more careful so what option do I have. She's had 3 chances before this to change her behaviour. It isn't going to change.

B)

I have location tracking but not location history, so it's worthless other than knowing where she is just this minute, I need to get her phone to log where she's been remotely so I can actually see where the hell she went.

C)

I have to verify every single thing she says. Because other than the outline, none of the facts are straight.
--

Any better approaches ?

[wannabe]

Sorry to hear about the issues!

I hate to say it but it sounds like there may be some dementia or similar illness involved - failing to remember things is not a good sign.

If she is still 'with it' most of the time, perhaps you could ask if she would be wiling to get tested because you want her to be safe and not get hurt?


I think it is worth noting that getting a Power of Attorney (or whatever it is called where the person agrees to hand control/responsibility over to another person) while they are still compis mentis enough to understand what they are doing is a very good idea. Guardianship (where the person cannot consent and therefore someone needs to apply to the courts via a solicitor person to look after their affairs) takes, er, aaaaages, and will only get worse because the courts are massively backed up 'because Covid'.

[Don]

I think you're on the right track trying to mitigate opportunities for, and amounts of, any losses/thefts and that may require some creative truth around replacement cards, etc.

It may also be worth speaking to her GP (or perhaps your own) to get professional advice on how to diagnose and deal with the apparent memory loss.

[wannabe]

re: the tracking thing, I am *sure* that google or apple or whatever tracks your movements if you let it, and you can bring them up on a map...

[dadbif]

In Spain or UK? Not sure there is an equivalent to LPA out there.
Seems odd replying to this since I am in the same age group as your relative.
LPA is worthwhile, we have already done it.
Memory lapses do NOT always signify dementia, if so I am doomed.
My suggestion is one (or more) of these, www.apple.com/uk/airtag/
May help you keep track on both property and person.
A quiet word with the Policia Locale may help, they used to keep an unobtrusive eye on the vulnerable where I lived in Valencia.

[atlex]

This time she actually found her bag in her car under a blanket .....

There's a form of LPA here, apparently. I'll do some research.